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Becoming the Best He Can Be.

Joey thought to himself ‘If that’s what it’s all about, I’ve got about 10 years to do it.’ But he also wondered what the future held for his heroes, apart from after-dinner speaking, getting drunk and the odd appearance on ‘Question of Sport.’

As he wandered through the ‘Sports’ section of the local bookshop, he saw books about the lives of footballers and sportspeople who were in their early to mid-20’s.

Coming from a mixed race family, and despite his tender years [14], he had a highly developed social conscience. So much so that his real hero was Nelson Mandela.

Mandela was in his 70’s when his autobiography The Long Walk to Freedom came out. Joey reflected on the achievements of sportspeople who commit themselves to their chosen sport, and the few who became ‘superstars’ doing what they loved, and Mandela’s 26 years in prison.

He thought about Gandhi & Mother Teresa. Of great scientists like Stephen Hawking, Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton.

And yet he also knew that even those with amazing talent might not ‘make it.’ The ones that did become household names combined talent with hard work and discipline. And then some missed out, because they never got the chance to shine on the bigger stages.

Accounts of criminals who reformed and then used their ill-gotten gains to become legitimate were less known, though Joey knew a few himself.

Those who had ‘made it to the top’ without using sex, money and family connections often spoke of the loneliness and emptiness of being forever in the public eye. And despite all this, Joey knew of those who used celebrity to help others and bring about social change like, Sir Ian McKellen, Ian Botham, the late Frankie Vaughan, footballers Niall Quinn and Alan Shearer [who both gave £1 million to charity], Lady Diana, Camilla Batmanghelidjh and Ellen MacArthur.

So, he concluded that celebrity was no bad thing, just avoid letting the ‘popular’ media trivialise it.

His uncle Ben thinks Joey is a waste of space, and tells him so often. His dad loved Joey and his sister so much he left when he was eight. Joey would occasionally feel sorry for himself, and then snap out of it, as it got him nowhere.

For no other reason than it worked, Joey would pray. In fact he would have his own unconventional ‘conversations with God’ at his grandfather’s grave. He went there every Monday lunchtime. Today was no different.

‘Let me see big man, to make it in this world, it helps if you are born to rich parents. But if you’re not, you can lie, cheat and steal to claw your way up. If, like me, you have no obvious talent for sport or exams, a life of crime has its appeal.’

As God knew everything, and had cloned himself in every human, he didn’t stir himself much when Joey began his dialogue. He just activated the spiritual equivalent of a switch, and let Joey listen to this inner voice:

‘Yes, crime is always an option for anyone. Whatever path you choose has consequences.’

Joey knew that most of the ‘answers’ God gave him put the responsibility back to him, so he limited his serious dialogue to once a week, rather than become a ‘God-botherer.’

Today he wanted more than pious [but true] replies, so he acknowledged the answer, relaxed a little more and continued:

‘Fine. So, I’ll go out and find something I’m good at, and then work my proverbials off to climb the greasy pole.’

‘Climbing the greasy pole pre-supposes the task is very difficult if not impossible; that you stand every chance of slipping back down, getting dirty in the process, and that success lies at the top of this dubious thing. If others want to climb it, there is also the chance of trampling on people, or your being trampled on’

Joey felt he was in for a long session.

‘Right then. Tonight after school, I’ll lock myself in my room and wait. I’ll spend hours visualising what I want, and drawing it to me.’

‘I’m assuming what you want involves your participation. Having something tangible in mind helps.’

From past experience, this was as concrete as it got-having something tangible in mind helps.

So Joey imagined himself serving others. He left the way and kind of service open. He felt this way was the path towards his true self. Despite the put downs from his uncle, and being abandoned by his father, Joey always felt deserving of a better life.

He turned around from the grave, having thanked his grandfather, and the ‘big man.’

At home, pets were not allowed, so he befriended local dogs and cats on the estate. He felt an affinity with animals, and gained insights from his relationships with them which helped him as much as his weekly audience with God.

As time went by, Joey grew up and left home. He had a few scrapes with the law before realising it wasn’t for him. He had learned to live in the now, and was rarely troubled by worrying about the future, and regretting the past.

Joey had begun to acquire a calmness, almost a serenity which attracted others to him, some of whom he had to politely send away.

When he went to visit the grave, he silently connected and sent love to every other person doing the same thing on the planet. In making the connection, he knew there were no ‘votes’ from his silent world family.

He smiled when he realised he could reach more people like this than taking lessons in climbing the greasy pole.

In another world, Joey was a ‘celebrity’, and just like the millions of people none of us have heard of who have changed the world as much as any Newton, especially the women for whom being known is an achievement*, Joey had found his true self.**

JS, November 2006.

* how many women come to mind when famous people are mentioned? Is it because there never were any, or what they have done merits no mention? Just type anything into your search engine with the word women in it. Chances are amongst the top 3-6 listings you will find references to sex. Ironically, doing the same with ‘men’ gets the sex, but a little less obvious.

** this story was inspired by a real life encounter with Joey several years ago at an inner-city school. I have never seen or heard of him since, but how his quest to discover his true self emerged is described in The Coaching Parent, page 141. It is my favourite.