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Grimsby’s Child.

Serendipity knows everything there is to know about skittles. In fact, so much does he know, that he gets near-terminal boredom putting others down who don’t know as much as he does. What he doesn’t know about skittles has yet to become public knowledge. Indeed so obsessed is he, he has started inventing things about skittles.

His mission in life is to preserve skittles for future generations. According to Serendipity, people are ignorant about skittles, what they are, how many there are, how to use them, how they should be set and the dynamics of being knocked down and re-set.

Serendipity is right. He is at his condescending, pouting best when saying: “No, you are wrong.” In fact, his visage and demeanour become almost god-like when uttering: “You are completely wrong.”

Like all of us, Serendipity is vulnerable. He struggles if you pin him to down to specifics about making skittles more popular. As an anorak, Serendipity is happy for his collection of skittles to remain forever in his possession, pristine and forever available for bringing out and putting back in. A bit like the manual version of ten-pins really, but so much more interesting.

Like most of us, Serendipity is a bit of an enigma. Serendipity’s passion can be both inspiring and suffocating. When he occasionally drops the need to be right, he is kind, generous, has a great sense of humour and lights up the Alley. However Serendipity has a problem.

“What do you expect from someone born in Grimsby?” is Serendipity’s mantra.

And he is right.

Grimsby’s child is carefree, intelligent, loves people, and is patient, tolerant and compassionate. Grimsby’s child is spontaneous, has a very high level of awareness about people and themselves. In any potential dispute, they will give you the benefit of the doubt. Unable to hold grudges, Grimsby’s child is a model of forgiveness. You can tell Grimsby’s child by the permanent smile on their face.

Like some of us, Serendipity’s presence on the planet makes the world a better place. ‘Skittles are God’s creation’ is Serendipity’s belief.

Serendipity has watched hundreds, nay thousands of people get joy from skittles, but he has never given himself permission to get the same joy himself.

Secretly, Serendipity has long harboured the view that skittles offer lessons about life, and he has been overheard telling his philosophy to his amazing wife, Dharma:

“I know what some of them think about me, and it does hurt. I know some of them like me, though I don’t know why they should. All of us-yes everyone-is like a skittle. We start life bright, shiny and new. We go through life getting knocked down, but someone puts us back up again. We get knocked around, knocked down, and always end up back on our feet, except when the person who picks us up gets bored. Then we are at risk. We’re at risk because they might bring in some new skittles, ignoring what we’ve done over the years. There’s a big warehouse for old skittles, and what a sad place.”

“You see by me going on about skittles, it might make some of them realise each skittle has a purpose. Having hundreds of different kinds stops people getting bored. Being aggressive keeps reminding them we’re still here. Like us, skittles have a heart.”

“I love you Serendipity,” said Dharma, “What would happen if there weren’t any skittles?”

“The world is a miserable place; No more skittles? I’d have wasted my life. I would be lost, but that’s what we’re here for, to be let down. Life is a vale of tears”

Like a few of us, Serendipity couldn’t cut it. Years went by. He left the Alley, because people no longer appreciated skittles for what they were. To some they were just an excuse to be aggressive, or have some fun. To others they were just means of making money. The worst kind of people didn’t even appreciate the Alley, or the other skittling minions who worked there.

The minions actually loved Skittle Alley. In fact Serendipity remembers all of them saying as much during his time there. But he didn’t pay any attention to what really motivated the minions, or even the people who paid his wages, the customers. To him, all that mattered were the skittles. The minions, he mostly treated them well, but now and again, he treated them with contempt.

Like none of us, Serendipity was beyond redemption.

Skittle Alley was eventually sold, and the new owners decided skittles could be used far better in the service of the human race. The new owners wanted to maximise the power of skittles for appealing to fun, recreation, and living in the moment. New converts flocked in. Skittles appealed to the younger generation. Skittles were cool.

Dharma became a regular visitor to the new alley. Serendipity had had enough. He was completely lost. In the depths of despair, a nagging doubt surfaced which had bugged him for years. Had he really been born in Earlestown? Was he truly Earlestown’s child? He decided to trace his birth records, and discovered he was actually born in a different country! Serendipity had been born in Bremerhaven, Germany. ‘Who Cares?’ he thought, ‘They’re a miserable bunch too those Germans.’

Secretly choked, his thoughts flew straight back to where he first met Dharma after the war. He remembered it was a suburb of Grimsby, a place he hated with a passion.

His mind in turmoil, over the next few weeks he watched Dharma spread love and light in the Alley. His life was upside down, he had lost his purpose. Skittles were cool. He had fought this for thirty years.

He lashed out at those around him, and he was losing friends as fast as his beloved skittles were falling down.

On the verge of total breakdown, he sat still, miserable and morose in his favourite chair. He heard the post drop through his letterbox. ‘Junk mail, bills, rubbish’ he thought. Still he had one last drop of optimism left in him. One envelope stood out from the rest. In bright colours, showing a picture of a tall column and a modern city centre, these words hit him like a baseball bat:

“BREMERHAVEN CITY OF OPTIMISM AND LIGHT TWINNED WITH GRIMSBY.”